Composing the Medleys

One year ago today we walked off of an airplane with our new family member, Masha.  We began the adventure of blending our lives together in a new and wonderful way.  Our family will never be the same, but, of course, God never meant for us to be the same.  We are adjusting to new positions within the family, new ways of doing things, new ways of looking at things.  We have been challenged to lovingly parent someone who has never experienced loving discipline.  We have also been energized with a new perspective on life.  We have answered the question “Why?” more times than we ever thought possible. 

Different people are called to different things.   God has called the Medleys to adopt, and it is part of His plan for maturing our family.  We see where we are selfish when there is a new and different demand for our time and attention.  We see our tendencies to go through the motions of life, school, work, and church without thinking when we are challenged to explain why we do and believe as we do.  We see how we took many things for granted.  Each member of our family, the new and the not-so-new, is continually learning how to let go of his or her own way.  It is not always easy, but it is always good.

There are many things about adoption, especially of older children, that are hard.  Not having the same history is one of them.  My heart breaks when Masha tells another story of mistreatment in her early years.  She laughs and says, “It’s okay, Mama!”  And I say, “No!  It is not okay!  You should not have been treated that way!”  Why is it that she grew up without us, all alone in Ukraine?  Where was I when she had her head knocked against the wall for not rolling her R’s properly?  Why couldn’t I stop the “care-giver” from hurting her for childish behavior? 

We look at her beautiful face, and we don’t know where the tiny scars came from.  We were not there to comfort her when she fell down, or when she got hit in the face with a rock by another kid.  I was not the one to wipe away her tears or tell her she would be fine.  No one in her early years cuddled her when she was afraid, or told her that God loves her, or demonstrated to her that she is valuable.

How do we handle that?  It is not fair.  Why do some kids have advantages, love, care, and families while others do not?  When my mind wrestles with these things, I must turn to God’s Word for answers.  In Romans 11, Paul is contemplating God’s plans for people, and he exclaims:

   Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways!  For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?  Or who has given a gift to Him that he might be repaid?  For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.  To Him be glory forever.  Amen.  (Romans 11:33-36)

God’s ways are higher than ours.  His character is unchanging.  Since He is omniscient and sovereign over the universe, we must trust Him with the unanswerable questions of life.  He is loving, so we can know His plans are good.  He is just, so we know He will execute His perfect justice in His perfect timing.

In the mean time, we will strive to be faithful where we are today, being a family for a young lady who is learning that she is loved by God.  We will demonstrate to her that she is valuable, because she is created by God, in His image, for His purposes.  And we will comfort her when she cries and cuddle her when she needs us.  We will laugh at her many jokes and enjoy her quick wit and quick smile.  We are blessed to be sharing her life from this point forward, and we will thank God for that.  His plans are amazing!  To Him be glory forever!

Wow!  2011 is over!  It flew by so quickly!  We have had a truly wonderful year, so full of God’s gracious blessings and provision for our every need.

Masha’s first Christmas in America was really fun.  At first, she was sure that we were decorating much too early.  She was not excited to join in with putting ornaments on the tree, and she was rather unimpressed with all of our nativity scenes.  However, when presents began to show up under the tree with her name on them, she showed her first signs of interest.  Then, after she did her own shopping, she got much more excited.  She loved learning to wrap presents, and she giggled for days about wrapping a small gift in a huge box.  After weeks of hearing and singing Christmas carols in English, she decided that “Joy to the World” is her favorite one.

Each day of celebration was special.  We spent December 24th with one set of grandparents, opening presents, playing with toys, and eating good food.  On Christmas Day we were home as a family enjoying more presents, food, and relaxing.  The day after Christmas was spent with the other grandparents and all of the aunts, uncles, and cousins.  Masha loves hanging out with her cousins, and she had a great time being with them for more food, presents, games, and family time. 

As we have done for many years on that side of the family, the kids acted out the Christmas story.  There are 9 girls and 2 boys in this group of cousins, and all of the other girls had taken their turns being Mary in the story.  This, of course, was Masha’s year to be Mary.  Although it was a simple walk through the story, it seemed to help Masha understand that it is a real story about real people.  We are so grateful for our wonderful, supportive extended family.  What a blessing to celebrate our Savior’s birth together!

There are so many things for which we are thankful regarding our newest daughter.  Here are just a few:

*Smooth adoption process in Ukraine–Six weeks felt like a really long time, but it was very fast compared to some stories we have heard.

*Safe arrival home–We had no problems with any of our modes of transportation all the way from the other side of the world to our home.

*Quick bonding between Masha and the whole family–She loves to cuddle with her parents, play and laugh with her sisters, and, on occasion, tease and annoy us all.  She feels completely like a Medley, and we cannot imagine life without her!

*Amazing progress in English–Masha read her first book in English over the Christmas break, and she did her first book report.  Her teacher praises her grammar skills, and we can tell that her comprehension has come so far. 

*Continued reception of spiritual instruction–Masha still falls asleep in church some of the time, but she enjoys Bible Study Fellowship and loves our family group that meets on Sunday evenings.  She has memorized two Bible verses (that we know of!), and she has learned a few of the catechism questions and answers.  She still has many questions, and we are thrilled that she is comfortable asking them. 

Please continue to pray for us when you think of our family.  We know God will continue to provide all we need as a family to progress in our love and service to Him.

Fall is well under way for the Medley family with a full and varied schedule.  Our oldest daughter is a freshman at our local high school.  She has advanced classes and keeps very busy.  Her school day is from 7:10 am to 2:30 pm.  Masha is in 8th grade in a fabulous English as a Second Language program at a middle school not too far away.  She has her core classes (language arts, math, science, and social studies) with a great teacher who builds vocabulary in language arts that relates to the other classes.  That way they can progress in all subjects simulaneously.  All the kids in this class are recent immigrants, brand new to our language and culture.  Masha takes P.E. and one elective with the other kids in the school, which has helped her gain confidence socializing with  native English speakers.  Her teacher just informed us that she would like to move Masha into a regular 8th grade math class, since her language skills have progressed enough to understand the other teacher.  That will keep her from falling behind her grade level, since the introductory math in her current class is so simple for her.  Masha’s school day is from 8:45 am to 4:00 pm.

The other three kids are schooling at home in 2nd, 5th, and 7th grades.  Their school day begins after their teacher returns from taking Masha to school (around 9:00 am), and it ends as close to 2:00 pm as possible.  The teacher runs off to work at 2:00 pm twice a week, so it seems like a good time to finish every day.  We are enjoying school and the time together.

Although I would never have picked such a drawn-out start to the day, our schedule provides a good hour or more every morning for Mom-and-Masha time.  We eat breakfast, drink some tea (I’m learning to like it!), and visit about the day to come.  Sometimes we finish up home work or review for a test.  It has become a special time for us, planned by our loving God Who planned our schools and schedules with this in mind.  What a blessing!

My husband is taking the four younger kids with him to Bible Study Fellowship every Monday evening.  It has been a great experience for all of them as they read and study God’s Word, learning about the early days of the church and the spread of Christianity in the book of Acts.  Masha reads the Bible in Russian first.  Then she tells me what she read.  I read the questions on her lessons to her, she answers verbally, and I write down what she said.  I figure she needs a break from having to write and spell everything, so Bible study doesn’t feel so much like school.  It is faster, too, and less frustrating.  We can focus on what she is thinking and learning from the Bible instead of the grammar rules.

God continues to knit our family together.  Bonds are forming between the kids, and there is an interesting dynamic among them.  We encounter various issues now and then, of course, but many of them are issues parents face with kids in any family.  God’s grace is sufficient for all our needs, and we praise Him for His faithfulness.

Thank you for your prayers for us whenever you think of us.  It is comforting to know folks out there are lifting our family in prayer!

Well, summer break has come to an end.  We were blessed to be able to take a family vacation at the first of August, and we had a wonderful time making memories together.  We camped at a family-oriented campground in southern Colorado for seven days, and we were able to hike and explore, fish, relax, ride horses, ride in paddle boats, and just enjoy being together.  The older three kids went with their dad for a two-day primitive camping experience to Archuleta Lake.  Since their trip coincided with the Perseid meteor showers, there was an awesome display of beauty in the night sky. 

Our family met some friends at Great Sand Dunes National Park for a day, and the more adventurous ones of the group hiked to the top of the largest dune.  Then we spent a couple of days with these generous friends in their cabin in Red River, New Mexico.  Two of us even joined them on their hike to the top of Wheeler Peak, the highest point in New Mexico.  On our way home from vacation we visited Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico, and we all enjoyed the amazing trails winding for miles underground through the seldom-seen water carvings and creations of God.  It was like a great subterranian cathedral!  We ate dinner at the park and stayed until dusk, when thousands of Brazilian Free-Tailed bats spiral up from the caverns and out over the desert to search for insects all night.  It was quite a memorable experience for the whole family.

Just before we left for vacation, Masha’s friend, Natasha, and her family were able to stop by while traveling through our area.  The girls had a wonderful time catching up.  Face to face communication is so much more fun than by phone or Skype!

Masha’s verbal skills in English continue to amaze us.  We still explain things spoken too quickly for her, but her comprehension is phenomenal.  People who have just met her cannot believe she has been here under six months.  As she begins school, we know her reading and writing abilities will catch up quickly to her verbal ability.

We thank God for His continued goodness and grace in our lives.  Please continue to pray for all of us as we learn and grow together.  

We will update again soon with information about school.

The Medley family is enjoying summer break.  Recently we took a day trip to Turner Falls, OK with aunts and cousins.  All the kids enjoy swimming and playing together, and we had a blast! 

Masha continues to be woven into the fabric of our family.  She is quick to laugh and quick to learn, which makes this a fun experience for all of us.  She has gotten a bit bored with Rosetta Stone English.  However, we checked out an illustrated Russian/English dictionary from the library.  Masha has spent hours in her room copying down words and phrases from the dictionary into a notebook for her personal reference.  Although it is not helping her with grammar, it is increasing her vocabulary.  It is fun to have a conversation with her and have her interrupt to say, “Oh!  Oh!  I know dis word!  I write dis word in my book yesterday!” 

Masha has really wanted to improve her table tennis (ping pong) skills.  We were able to find a table tennis camp at a small university in June, and Masha thoroughly enjoyed it.  Of course, now she is even better at the game than before.   My husband plays pretty well, but the rest of us are absolutely no challenge at all.  Some neighbors told us about people playing ping pong at their church a couple of times a week, so we hope to try that out soon to see if Masha can find some decent competition.

As Masha’s English has improved, our conversations about spiritual things have increased.  After she mentioned that she thought good people go to heaven and bad people do not, my husband was able to explain the truth that only perfection is permissable in heaven, and we could never be good enough to join the perfect presence of God.  He said that only one person was ever perfect, and he asked if she knew who that was.  She said, “No.  Oh!  Jesus!”  My husband explained that Jesus took our badness and was punished by God on the cross so we might receive His goodness.  Masha understood the concept, I think.  Please continue to pray that truth will be made plain to her as she continues to ask and learn about God’s plans.

Another girl from Masha’s orphanage is being adopted into a family who live less than 5 miles from us!  Masha has been so excited to hear the news from their blog and see the process unfold in their family.  This friend should be home next week, and we look forward to getting to know her more. 

Thank you again for keeping up with our family.  We appreciate the interest and prayers.  Just to let you know, we are going to disable the comments from the blog.  Being a “.com” address, we get many, many spam e-mails each week, and some of them are for things we would rather not see.  If you want to contact us, please feel free to e-mail us.  Thanks!

We have been home from Ukraine for one month.  Masha continues to settle in, becoming accustomed to our routines and ways of doing things.  She is learning English pretty well, and it is great to hear her working to communicate.  With encouragement, she continues to try our food and find what she likes.  Her favorite things are strawberries, bananas, scrambled eggs, and M&M’s.  She can consume all of those things in great quantities.  I have to hide the candy now, but I am hopeful that she will get past her binges soon and realize it is best for her to eat things in moderation.

Some wonderful friends and family gave a welcome party for Masha recently.  It was a lovely afternoon allowing us to visit with folks who have followed us through this adventure and introduce them to the one for whom they have prayed so long.  We had wonderful food and wonderful weather, so everyone enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere of talking inside with kids running around outside.  We thank God for the amazing support we continue to receive along our way.

Speaking of support, we have received a grant from our church to help with our adoption expenses!  In addition, we were also approved for a matching grant from our church through ABBA Fund.  God’s blessings have overflowed toward us, and we are deeply grateful.

We have watched some movies in Russian the past few weeks, and Masha has watched quite a few in English.  We found Psych episodes on Netflix recently, and Masha loves watching those with the rest of us!  She can follow the story pretty well and laughs at the great expressions and exaggerated actions of the characters.  (So far, the first season is fun and relatively family-friendly.)

Masha is getting caught up on immunizations, much to her disappointment.  She does NOT like injections, and the nurse understood that with no translation necessary.  Her vehement, ”OOOUUUCH!!” with each shot was very clear.  She will get more shots at each of her next three visits, so I think she will come to dread the doctor’s office visits quite a bit, unfortunately. 

Schooling at home has been fun and interesting with Masha.  We are using Rosetta Stone English for about an hour a day.  It is a CD-ROM language class that came with earphones and a microphone.  The lessons include listening, speaking, interacting with pictures on the computer screen, and typing .  We are impressed with Masha’s determination to learn well and not just move ahead to get through the lessons.  She will choose to repeat a lesson if she doesn’t feel that she has mastered it.

We found out that mathematics is written and performed differently in Ukraine.  Who knew!  I thought that everyone who used the same numbers would use the same math!  So far, Masha has mostly done lots of review work with basic math.  I did my best to explain how to reduce fractions last week.  She said they did not do that in Ukraine.  I told her we did it here, but she was not in the mood to learn it that day.  Today she decided to try to understand it.  After another brief explanation, she took the paper from me and did a whole page of problems perfectly!

For writing and grammar, Masha has done quite a few thank-you notes for the gifts she has received.  I write the note and the recipient’s address.  Then she copies the note onto stationary and addresses the envelope.  Her handwriting is beautiful, and she seems to like practicing.  I have also had her read a passage in her Russian Bible, then read the corresponding passage in an English Bible.  She next writes the English version out on paper.  Since God’s Word is powerful, I’m excited to have her get it into her head and on paper from her own hand.

Please continue to pray for Masha to grow into our family more and more.  Already we love her dearly and cannot imagine our family without her!  Please also pray for her to understand God’s adoption of His children and receive His free gift by faith.  Thank you for support!

Masha’s birthday is this week.  She was able to celebrate with all of her family, since everyone lives close by.  She looks nervous in the cake picture because she wanted to make sure she blew out the candles at the right time.  Her smile in the next picture shows her pleasure at getting it right!  She handled being the center of attention very well, and she enjoyed opening the presents, too. 

We have had a wonderful start to this adoption adventure.  So far, Masha enjoys her sisters and her new room.  She likes to Skype with friends in Ukraine and friends who have been adopted in America in recent years.  She loves to ride my bike, and she has been out riding almost every day since we have been home.  Masha is enjoying learning English, and she loves to laugh at herself when she makes mistakes.  She does not love going to church yet (she had an excellent nap during the service this week), but she is interested in her Russian Bible.  She has read some on her own after we have returned from church or a Bible study.  And Masha loves to swing!  Each time we visit the park, she heads for the swings.  One day when we arrived, the swings were already taken, so she hung around waiting for a turn.  Then she decided to help push the kids in the swings, which was very kind of her. 

We continue to be amazed at how well Masha is adjusting to life.  She is truly a courageous girl!  She has been uprooted from everything she has ever known to start all over in a family, a new country, a strange culture, and a foreign language.  NOTHING is truly familiar here.  (Although she loves pelmini from the Russian restaurant in our town.)  She wakes up each day ready to laugh and have fun, learning and growing more each day.  God has blessed our daughter and our family in wonderful ways!

Our last morning in Ukraine, we were up at 3:15 a.m. to get ready for the day, eat a little breakfast, and get everything properly packed up. Yuri came to pick us up at 4:00, and we were ready to go! The drive to the airport was uneventful, and Masha slept most of the way there. We got all of our bags in and got in line to check them and get our boarding passes. Yuri did most of the talking for us, which was really helpful. We were able to check four bags this time, since we had four travelers, and that gave us one less heavy thing to lug through airports. We also had an extra person to help carry what was left. Very nice!

We said good-bye to Yuri and made our way to the terminal for our first flight. After a waiting a while, we were ready to board. Our boarding passes were checked, and then we went down some stairs and out the door to a waiting set of buses. We loaded up to ride over to the plane. It seemed that Masha thought we were taking the bus all the way to Germany, but we explained we were just going to the plane. After walking up the stairs to the airplane in the freezing cold wind, we found our appropriate seats. Masha sat by the window with her sister next to her and her dad in the next seat. I was across the aisle on the same row. Masha seemed to enjoy looking around at things: the tray table attached to the seat in front of her, the seat belt (which is a novelty to Ukrainians), the other planes and vehicles out the window. At take-off her eyes got big, but she never seemed scared. About ten minutes into the flight, she was soundly sleeping. I think the other two Medleys talked for a while, but I slept most of the way, too.

We landed in Munich, Germany at 8:30 a.m. their time, which was an hour earlier than Kiev. We had a seven hour wait between flights, so we had no reason to hurry. We found our terminal but went passed it for an empty one where we could spread out and rest. We played on the iPad a bit, drew pictures, and talked for a while. A family with whom we waited in the Embassy the day before was waiting nearby for their flight home, and my husband visited with the dad for a while. He had returned to Ukraine alone after the ten-day wait while his wife remained with their other kids. His new son was just a little bit younger than Masha, but they were not interersted in visiting.

After our friends’ flight boarded, we decided to find a restaurant for lunch. We had to leave the secure area, but we knew we had time to spare and it would be okay. We had a good lunch of cold sandwiches and soft drinks. We were sad to be reminded how expensive it is to eat in Europe, especially in an airport. We did not feel like shopping after paying for lunch, so we went back toward our terminal. We discovered that it is actually pleasant to go through security when your family are the only ones being checked! Back at our terminal we rested and waited until time for our flight.

We boarded directly onto the plane this time, and we were easily settled into our seats. The four of us were in the four middle seats, but my husband was one row in front of us. Masha enjoyed the touch screen in the seat in front of her, although she was a bit impatient with its response time to her tapping. After taking off, we got our headphones and could watch movies. My daughters and I set our screens to start the same movie at the same time. Masha was not completely engaged with the movie since it was in English, but she watched the whole thing. She had lots of questions about dinner, and I helped her out as much as I could. Everything was interesting to her: the salt and pepper, the salad dressing, the butter. We all picked different movies after dinner, and we found one in Russian for Masha. After that, Masha slept a lot and the other Medleys rested or read.

We arrived to Chicago in some bad weather. Our plane was even struck by lightening! (I hear that is common, but it was new to me!) There was a flash and a bang, but the plane was just fine. The landing was smooth, and we were glad to be back in America! Next we had to claim our bags, go through customs, visit immigration, get our bags checked in again for the last flight, and go through security. Some of those steps were slower than we wanted them to be, but we made it to our terminal about 15 minutes before scheduled boarding. My husband got some McDonald’s food for us to snack on as we waited. It turned out that the weather was causing delays in many arriving flights, so our plane was not yet on the ground. We called to our families at home, and they had seen the delays online. They were already planning to be up late, and they said not to worry about the time.

We finally boarded our plane about an hour later. Masha and her dad sat together near the front, and we other two sat together several rows back. The Medley girls all slept well on that flight. We landed at DFW Airport a little after midnight full of excitement and anticipation! As we walked toward the baggage claim area, we saw a big group of people with smiles and signs of welcome. There were our family and friends! Masha was squeezed by a hundred happy hugs from sisters, grandparents, aunts, cousins, and new friends! She got a boquet of flowers and some balloons with stars and stripes. A wonderful family who adopted from the same orphanage over a year ago came with their Ukrainian boys to greet her and let her see and hear something familiar. God is so good!

It was wonderful to be with our other three girls again! They were taller and had fewer teeth than when we left! One of our friends went to get our bags for us while we were visiting with everyone. We finally made a parade across the street to the parking area. We left our wonderful family and friends to pile into our own minivan and drive ourselves home.

We arrived home and let Masha explore the house. Her sisters showed her their rooms and her room. My family had made labels in both Russian and Engish for rooms, appliances, lights, sinks, etc. It was so fun to watch her take everything in! She looked in every kitchen cupboard and drawer. At last we insisted that everyone get ready for bed and climb in. What a wonderful thing to see Masha in her own bed in her new house, surrounded by family, and to get to kiss her forehead and tell her, “Good night! I love you!”

“Shout with joy to God, all the earth! Sing the glory of His name; make His praise glorious! Say to God, ‘How awesome are Your deeds!’”. Psalm 66:1-2

Praise the Lord! We made it home! All seven of us are here, and the kids are tucked into bed.

Thank you to all the family and friends who came to the airport to welcome Masha and the rest of us home! What a blessing to us to see and feel your encouragement!

We will post more details tomorrow. Good night!